The Big Day

If you have consistently read my blog then you would know that I am not a big believer in Valentine’s day. But this Valentine’s day is the first one for me and my husband so I thought it would be fitting to finally do a piece about our wedding day.

We got married on Friday 2^nd November 2012. It was our 4 year anniversary and we had been waiting/saving/planning for the day for over 2 years. We got married at Kingscote barn (http://www.kingscotebarn.co.uk/), a beautiful barn in Tetbury, Gloucestershire. We fell in love with the place as soon as we saw it and luckily for us the date we wanted was available in our price range.

We originally wanted a small wedding with only 70 people invited BUT, when you have a large close family,  that is almost impossible! So our numbers went up to 100 during the day and around 150 for the evening. Even with 100 day guests I couldn’t invite my cousins because there are about 30 of them so they had to just be evening guests which was a hard decision to make but luckily no one made us feel bad about it.

SIDE NOTE: I think when arranging a wedding people can sometimes be a little insensitive and get funny about the decisions you make, we didn’t have too much of that but I know people that have and it is very sad. Weddings should bring you closer but sometimes it brings out the selfishness in people. If you are reading this and ever get invited to a wedding that aren’t to your expectations I would say this – DO NOT COMPLAIN! Most brides have a lot of stress put on them when arranging a wedding and the last thing they need is a fussy friend or relative making things more complicated for them. If the person making a fuss has already been a bride then shame on them, they should know better!

Anyway because Dan and I gave ourselves two ½ years to arrange the wedding we didn’t have that much of a stressful time, we had the whole wedding in one place so it meant people didn’t have to travel again once they were at the wedding. We had a choice of 3 caterers that the venue supplied and they also had preferred DJ’s. The florist was also one I found at the Kingscote open day and that was brilliant as I didn’t think it sensible to get the bouquets local to me to then travel up with them the day before the wedding.

My friend Jess recommended a lady to me that made lovely cupcakes (http://www.thecupcakeprincess.co.uk/), which we collected the day before and bought up with us, and the rest we pretty much did ourselves. We had friends that gave us bits from their weddings - which were amazingly helpful - and we rented birdcages for our centre pieces in which we hung handmade wooden hearts with the numbers of the tables. My sister’s boyfriend Will is an amazing carpenter so did all those for us as a wedding present and I kept them all and used them as decorations on our Christmas tree! J  

I got my dress from Miss Bush Bridal in Ripley (http://www.missbushbridalwear.co.uk/) and I would recommend them to any future brides as the shop is so beautiful and the staff were very helpful and honest, something we needed as my mum was probably the worst person to go shopping with – every dress I tried on she loved which became confusing because it meant I couldn’t narrow down a style! Eventually I went back to Miss Bush and bought the 5^th dress I had tried on. It was a Maggie Sottero, was beautiful and because the size in the store was my size they let me buy it at a discount, cleaned and corrected for me for free so I just needed to have it taken up and in slightly. I also got my bridesmaid dresses from Miss Bush - they were emerald green and just beautiful. The designer was Kelsey Rose and was the only designer I had found with the perfect shade of green I wanted.

My maid of honour was my little sister Stevie. Originally she was going to be my only bridesmaid but I got a bit down about not having a friend involved as everyone I knew were having so much fun planning with their bridesmaids and I just had my sister - who was amazing - but I felt I wanted a friend involved too, so I asked my friend Imogen. Imogen has been one of my closest friends for a long time and was there when Dan and I started to date so it just seemed to make sense that she stand up there with me on day. She is also incredibly organised and a natural planner so my hen do’s were in great hands! J

The hen do’s went brilliantly and the day itself came around so quickly after those were done. Dan and I went up to Gloucester the day before the wedding and met my family up there. We spent that afternoon decorating the venue and making sure everything we could do got done. It was really nice as my brother, sister and nephew were over from Denmark so were there helping set up and my Mum and Dad spent most of the time making the centre pieces.... it was a really nice, family, effort. I finally had the moment I wanted where everyone was excited and helping out - it felt special.

The night before the wedding we had a family dinner in a restaurant fairly local to the venue, it was really nice but looking back I think I was already getting a bit nervous as I didn’t feel very chatty and was extremely tired. 6 of us stayed in the cottage on site; my Mum, sister, Imogen, Ellie (she did my make up) and Lucy (she did my hair). I didn’t really sleep the night of the wedding but I guess that is fairly normal!  Woke up the next day around 8am and it was all go from then. Getting my hair done, trying to eat, make up, dressing... I spent the morning checking the weather as well as it started out sunny and then around 10am it poured and I started to get really nervous about everyone being trapped inside and it being too cramped and the pictures being miserable. About 11, while everyone else was having their hair done, I walked over to the venue as I just needed to get some air and do something to stop myself going crazy. I had a look at everything and made sure all was ok with the wedding organiser from the venue and then when I walked back the sun came out! Luckily it stayed out for the rest of the day and we had the bluest sky in all our pictures, it was cold but sunny and that is exactly what we were hoping for! The rest of the getting ready went really well, I calmed down and enjoyed getting into my dress and seeing the girls and my Mum all ready... it was lovely.

There was a small blip when Stevie realised that her pretty wedding shoes weren’t packed and she had to wear my black heels that didn’t go, drama! In the end you couldn’t see the shoes so it was all fine but I guess something had to go wrong....

Just before I was meant to walk down the aisle I had a big bout of nerves and my lovely Dad kept whispering to me ‘just breathe’. I had a moment at the top of the aisle when I saw everyone and hid my face in my flowers but I just took a deep breath and clutched my Dad’s arm, he even admitted later that seeing all those people made him nervous!

 For anyone who is a bit worried about walking the aisle my advice would be, focus on the guy your marrying. I saw Dan and just kept focused on him and it really helped. 

We had a civil ceremony and had a lady registrar who was brilliant. The ceremony was probably about half hour and my sister and Dan’s brother both did readings which were perfect.  I can’t overly remember it all but by the look of the pictures it was a lot of fun as I laughed a lot! J 

The day was honestly more than we could ever have hoped for; all we wanted was good weather, food and everyone to dance in the evening. Exactly what we got! The speeches were so bloody emotional that I don’t think I stopped crying throughout my Dad’s and Dan’s. The table plans seemed to work well and people seemed to have fun. We didn’t run out of alcohol (as far as I am aware) and there was enough food for people to have seconds – just what you want from a meal!

After dinner we used our favours to have a picture that I had been planning for ages. Basically I wanted everyone to light sparklers and hold them around us at dusk for a picture. Well that didn’t really go to plan.... the sparklers we got were cute but rubbish so we all got outside and sparklers were going off all over the place at different times, people were having trouble lighting them and they went out in about 5 seconds BUT in the end it actually turned out better than we planned. The pictures looked brilliant and it really broke the ice between the dinner and the reception as everyone was laughing and ready for the party to start.

Our first dance was very unprepared and dopey, we didn’t practice before and my dress kept getting in the way so it was a little clumsy but the song was perfect for us and it was nice to have that moment. I thought I would be nervous about that part but you forget everyone else is there so it wasn’t scary. Our song was ‘I’m Yours’ by The Script from their first album. Our second song was ‘I’m Yours’ by Jason Mraz and we got everyone up to dance with us and from that moment the dance floor didn’t empty. It was exactly how we wanted it. The DJ’s were excellent - seriously didn’t play one piece of music we didn’t like and also didn’t play any of the cheese I told them not to so it was brilliant. All they did was look at our ages and pick music that was current but also things from our sort of era – couldn’t have created a better playlist ourselves to be honest. They were euphoria disco (http://www.euphoriadisco.co.uk/) and I would recommend them to anyone. They are Gloucester based so not sure if they travel but worth checking out!

The party went on until 12.30 and by 1am we had said our goodbyes to everyone and we went off to our honeymoon suite. We were so tired so it ending then wasn’t disappointing, we got all we wanted from the day and when it ended we were just happy it had gone so well.

So to sum up, our wedding day was absolutely the most perfect day we could have ever asked for. Everyone gave us advice to make time to spend 5 minutes together and take what is going on around you in because it goes so quickly... I can honestly say that it didn’t for us. The day and evening went at a perfect speed so I can remember everything and I saw Dan naturally throughout so we didn’t have to make special effort to see each other. I could continue to gush about how perfect it was but it would be boring. I don’t want to do it again mostly because I know that it would never be as good as it was the first time. I am happy with the memories and pictures and happy in the knowledge that we kicked off our married life in the best way. Now it is time to carry on my life with Dan as it was before... only now I have a husband and he has a wife J

xxx

Ps all the photos were taken by an amazing photographer Duncan Kerridge (http://www.kerridgeweddings.co.uk/) 

Complacency

Yesterday there was a huge accident on the motor way, lots of cars were involved and the motorway was closed... needless to say it caused havoc all around the area because people were trying to find ways into work. It was a horrendous accident that resulted, unfortunately, in at least one death – though I don’t know the full details so it could be more.

It got me thinking about the responsibility we put on ourselves and others every day when we drive. Since I have thought about this I have noticed how many times I could have been in an accident just coming to and from work (5 miles) because of someone else’s stupid mistakes or my own impatience.

We all get complacent in our driving, you do it every day and normally the same routes so things just become habit but if you actually think about it, every time you get behind the wheel you are putting your life, your passengers, other drivers, cyclists and pedestrians in danger.  By saying this I am not trying to scare or change anyone but it is amazing that we are so at ease about the whole thing. You get people who can’t even get on planes because they are scared of it falling out of the sky but the dangers on the road are so much more risky!

The other day a cab driver got so impatient trying to turn into a road that he just started reversing, I was already going around him before he started so I couldn't stop and luckily he spotted me otherwise he would have backed straight into the side of me, wouldn't have been a major accident but a major inconvenience! And yesterday morning going to work I was going around a roundabout, indicating, and a girl decided to pull out in front of me! It was like she decided not to wait OR that she didn't see me, luckily (again) she slammed her brakes on and I managed to get past without any incident.  When I passed I looked at her and she didn't even acknowledge that she had done anything wrong so I really am not sure she was aware! That is a worry.

I think because I had a minor ‘accident’ it has made me a little more aware of all these little mistakes people make, including myself, that could result in something awful happening. I had a lady drive into the side of me while I was going around a roundabout. Initially she tried to blame it on me saying I cut her up but after I pointed out that there wasn’t a chance the marks on my car could have been made unless I was ahead of her she quickly backed down and said it was fine and we didn’t need to change details etc.... anyway because I was in the right and did nothing wrong – I was indicating, there was no one coming from the left and she was in place when I set off – it made me realise that you can have a accident just because other people are not concentrating on what they are doing...

I mean you really don’t know who you’re going to encounter on a drive, people get so frustrated by cyclists that they make stupid, impatient decisions that could result in accidents. In the same breath, I see so many cyclists breaking rules and almost causing accidents themselves. I had numerous kids run out in front of my car near where I used to live, they just didn't seem bothered by the fact they were almost run over and yet I am sitting in my car heart pounding thinking about what would have happened if I had actually hit someone – it is a scary thought. Even if it isn't your fault imagine if you were involved in an accident where someone died, I can’t imagine I would ever be the same after something like that!

My aim now that I have noticed and thought about all these things, is to make sure I think more about my surrounding and try to lose the impatience I have when I drive – if I know that I have done all I can to drive safe I can’t be held responsible if there is an accident. You can’t stop the way other people drive but you can try to be better yourself.... maybe a motto for life in general too J

Peace on the roads people – take care, you’ll get home eventually so why not do your best to get there without incident J

New Years Resolutions

New Years Resolutions

I found my resolutions that I made this time last year so it inspired me to get the old blog up and used again!

These were mine last year:
- Think Positive
- 2 weeks no dairy
- Work on patience
- Get back into an exercise routine
- Save as much as possible
- Stairs not lift at work
- Start using my blog

The last one COULD be what inspired me to write this blog... who knows :) 

I think I did ok at these, I mean lets be honest we make them and we break them usually quite soon into the year. I know how people feel about resolutions, that they are pointless because of the above. However I have decided to look at them in a different way, I am definitely someone who needs targets. I need to have something I have to do and a time scale to do it and then I will get it done but if I don't have that then I won't bother. So I class these as my 'targets', an aim for the year.

Think positive - probably my hardest, I think I have made a good start and hopefully made some changes to my way of thinking because of this resolution. BUT it was the hardest and I definitely didn't manage it all the time so I can't say I completed it. I am happy with the little change it has made so that should be good enough. It isn't going on my list this year but that is because I think I should now be able to make it a part of every day life naturally rather than putting it back on my list as a 'to do'. 
2 weeks no dairy - well I did this in January and actually managed to go the whole month so that was good. I definitely noticed a difference, and even though I have been weak since and not done it again, it is my intention to do it for longer at some point this year and really test the effect it has. For anyone who doesn't know me this isn't just a weird diet or anything, I have stomach issues and for years have tried to find out what is causing them. That is my reasoning. Again not on my list but something I will do this year and if I get the results I think I will then it will become something I have to make part of my life permanently.
Work on Patience - Broken. Next.
Get back into an exercise routine - NAILED IT. I think I have done more exercise, training, fitness in the past year then I did when I was training for the London Marathon back in 2011! And the thing is, I love it! I have written blogs on this subject but I definitely believe that getting to the gym makes you feel so much better in yourself. I was excited for January this year as it meant getting back to the gym and back to getting fit. A few weeks off set you back unbelievably so you really have to push yourself to get back into it but if you can then it is worth it.
My moto is simply 'you will regret it if you don't' and I stick by that, when I can't be bothered to go to that gym class or go for a workout I just remind myself of that moto and it gets me down there. The thing is it is so true, you plan to go to the gym but decide to drive home eat and laze about on the sofa you WILL regret that you didn't just take that time to get to the gym first, it makes the food and laziness afterwards so much more rewarding :)
Save as much as possible - Well all I have to say is wedding day, honeymoon, house. All done and no debt (apart from the mortgage of course) Dan and I managed to save (with wedding contributions as well) £85k for all 3 things and honestly it was worth every second of saving. I feel like my life has started, people talk about wedding blues but not once have I felt them. I had the best day possible on the 2nd November, we had great weather, great food, most of our family and friends made it and everyone danced - we literally could not have asked for more. Not once did the day feel like it zoomed past too quickly so I haven't felt the need to go back and do it again. I remember it all and I had such a good time that there is no way that doing it again could ever top the first time!  The honeymoon was once in a lifetime and it was amazing, it was a long time and we got so much out of it and did so much with the time we had that again I don't feel the need to go back and do it again (though I would love to be sitting on a beach in Fiji right now rather than in grey England but you know what I mean). I will do separate a blog about the wedding and honeymoon as I feel they need more than a few sentences!
As for the house, well never did I think that 1) we would be in our house for Christmas 2) we would afford the area we live in and 3) that would we manage to get a house with 2 bedrooms, conservatory, garage.... I am absolutely in love with it and feel so lucky and content at the moment. All I want is be at home, I don't want to leave there to go to work, go out ANYTHING. When we first got there we had no spare time to just be there, now we have a chance to just sit on the sofa together and watch TV and it feels like heaven! :) So yeah this was my most rewarding of resolutions to complete and we did it.
Stairs not lift at work - Broken at times but mostly stuck to it. I did adapt it to walking UP the stairs rather than up and down as that seemed too much :) and I did have a operation on my feet in November so that is when I broke the resolution. It isn't the best resolution but hey I did it and that little bit of exercise didn't hurt...well actually it wore me out every time I climbed the stairs at work!
Start using my blog - Well I did do this through the year and even though it hasn't been used for about 6 months I definitely enjoyed posting up my thoughts and get peoples thoughts back. It isn't a popular blog and it isn't going to break any records but I enjoyed doing it so am going to TRY and do a post a month (at least) this year. Writing has always been a passion of mine and even though I may never write a novel or get a job that involves writing this little blog gives me that outlet, a hobby to feed the cravings. Plus writing a blog is so much less demanding! So if you read my blog then look forward to more over the year people :)

And that's it for last year. Aims this year, I jotted down on a post it on my first day in the office (maybe putting them in black and white where people will see them will make me too proud to break them):
-Go somewhere new this year that is on my list of things to do before I'm 30
-Complete and pass a course (nutrition/fitness)
-Get a hobby I am passionate about and enjoy
-Make Dan's 30th special
-Make it to our 1 year anniversary..... that's a joke :)

Anyway time to get on with these resolutions! Happy New Year everyone xx

Sunshine

The Sun

Isn’t it amazing the change in people when the sun comes out? Everyone seems happier; the world seems like a better place, people are more social. I love it.

It makes me think that most people do suffer slightly from SAD, maybe not in the winter because I guess you are more prepared for the rubbish English weather, but in summer when we are all hoping for the sun and we get months of rain and grey cloud. It really is disheartening.

On Sunday the weather man decided to change his mood and give us all, in the south, a lovely hot summer’s day. It was just what everyone needed I think. My Facebook wall was FILLED with posts regarding the sun and pictures of people out in it making sure they didn’t waste it.

It was my birthday which made it SO much more special J Sitting in the sun in a coffee shop just being happy to get some Vitamin D for the first time in what felt like years.

Not sure about anyone else but I have definitely been feeling low these past few weeks, for various reasons, and I do think the weather being dreary and grey doesn’t help but seeing the sun yesterday has really changed my mood. I just feel happy and positive and excited for the rest of the year, and I know that this sunny weather may only last a few days but at least we get a bit of a break from the grey and it gives us a bit of hope that we may actually get a summer after all....

So for the time being, while it lasts, I am going to try and make the most out of this sun and I am definitely not going to complain about the heat, even with my casted foot getting hotter and itchier by the day!

 We’ve waited too long for this to waste it, time to get out your favourite summer clothes and get them worn before the weather changes and we are back in our tights and jumpers. 

It’s time for pub lunches, drinks by the river, long walks, short skirts, sandals, no cardi’s, sun glasses, driving with the windows downs and the music up – what can be better?

Bring on the summer for however long it lasts J xxx

Ground hog day

As most people know, in September 2011 I went in for surgery to have both my big toes broken and straightened. It took 6 weeks in weird shoes to heal and then months in flat shoes trying to get my feet used to working like normal.

In February I managed to wear heels to my friend’s wedding – it was a big deal for me and I was SO excited to be getting back to normal.

In April 2012 I broke my big toe on my left foot. I was told to rest it for 6 weeks and it would heal normally. 6 weeks later I was told that it wasn’t healed so I had to wait ANOTHER 6 weeks. During that 6 weeks I realised my toe was bending and a lump was appearing. When I went back to the hospital I was told that I was right and my foot was healing at a bend because of the pin that was in my toe from the September operation. The Dr knew I was getting married in November so on Thursday 21^st he told me I should have surgery straight away to remove the pin otherwise my toe would set wrong and eventually have to be broken again.

I went into surgery on Monday afternoon (Monday 25^th) – I think it was the quickest I have known surgery to happen! The surgery went well (so the Dr’s said) and I am now into the third day of the healing process. It is BORING. I am back to sitting in my room, waiting for my foot to heal. Ground hog.

The anaesthetic hasn’t worn off yet, yesterday I was like a zombie and could not stop falling asleep, today I am more awake but have been fighting nausea all day and really dizzy spells. I hate that feeling, I just have to keep lying down and try not to focus on too much.

To top it off, it is boiling and I have to wear a knee high sock to go with my amazing Robocop boot. I never want to complain about the heat because we deserve a bit of summer, but talk about bad timing! I don’t want it to go and will suffer in the heat but it has meant today has not been a great day in my world.

I don’t know how long this operation will take to heal and how long the robo boot will be with me but I find that out Monday. This week I am just trying to rest at home.
If on Monday they say 6 weeks healing then that means I can’t drive for that long, again. So that means working from home for that time.... I am so bored of working from home because I did it for 8 weeks last year and it gets old fast! I am really not looking forward to it.

Some people think that working from home is a real treat and I guess once or twice it is but not all the time, the motivation really gets sucked out of you. There is only so much enthusiasm you can get from being at home all day without any company, nothing changes everyday is the same. I don’t know how people do it. Enjoying working, for me, is really about the people you work with and I love my team. Being at home just makes me feel separate from the world.

I feel lazy not being able to do anything apart from get dressed in the morning and that makes me feel rubbish.

However, as much as I am dreading it, if they say no driving for 6 weeks I won’t drive for 6 weeks - I am not going to risk messing this up again! I refuse to have another operation on my feet. So if keeping my leg elevated and wearing the boot for the next 2 months is the cure then that is what I am going to do. I am just not looking forward to it.

Check out Robocop boot – it is really comfortable and discrete.... 

Common sense or plain paranoia?

I would say I have a lot of common sense; I am a very aware person when it comes to being safe and not doing anything that would put my safety at risk. By this I mean things like walking home alone in the dark, going somewhere with a stranger... things like that. I never thought many women would do those things but I see girls walking home, alone in the dark, all the time.

I will admit that in the winter, sometimes, it is really not easy to get anywhere when it is light and if you normally get a bus and then walk from the bus stop after work then you will be walking in the dark for a quarter of the year. However I would try to find a way around that if it was me.

Before I learnt to drive I had to walk to the bus stop. I was constantly worried and checked everything, if someone was walking towards me I would panic that they might do something to me. I once made my younger sister walk me to the bus stop through the alley near our house rather than walk it alone. I would cross the street to avoid walking through/around groups of people and would walk so quick to make the journey over as soon as possible. Everything outside, when I am alone, scares me. Driving has made me much more independent... to a point. I can go places alone now as long as I can drive there. It is the walking around alone that seems to be what really gets to me.

I get the train to London a lot for work which means I park in a car park near the station (Aren’t car parks quite scary places in the dark? I hate them). That is fine. As soon as it comes to getting the train home I spend the journey thinking about when I get off the train exactly what I will do to get to my car as quick as possible. Get keys out ready, hold key outwards in case someone approaches me, walk as quick as possible without running and causing attention to myself, make no eye contact (again to avoid attention), don’t look around, don’t get phone out, hold onto bag tightly in front. Is this the way other people think?

When I go into London I keep my phone in my pocket so that if anyone mugs me and takes my bag I have my phone to be able to contact someone. I fight very hard with myself not to do that with my purse as well!

I know that I might be a bit of an extreme, paranoid some might call it, but I am terrified of being approached by someone and threatened. I know exactly why I am like this; my poor dad put the fear of god in me when I was younger. He used to tell me and my sisters that if anyone grabbed us we have to scream as loud as we could - DO NOT STAY QUIET. He would show us defensive moves, and tell us if we didn’t fight and they got us to their car then we might not get away so make sure to put up as much of a fight and make as much noise as possible. He was being a good dad and trying to make us aware of what could happen. It wasn’t his fault that I am the type of person that would be influenced by that in a bad way. I majorly worry about it and am nervous of everything. My little sister is aware but she doesn’t get scared so easy. She will walk from her car to the train and back without panicking – she knows to be careful but doesn’t let it control her life. I actually worry more for her, if I know she is coming home in the dark I will make her text me when she is at her car and then wait for her to get home before I can sleep.

The problem is I don’t know how to stop my brain from clicking into the worried. I try and think, just walk slower, don’t rush, breath, it’ll be fine. And it is. But I am still so worried about it.

I have always said that if I could have a super power it would be to be Bionic so that no one could really hurt me! Flying would also be kinda cool... J

The reason I thought about this is because I had a conversation the other week about this sort of thing, one of my friends said that her friend went running in the woods on her own and she said that that was silly and risky when her friend disagreed. When speaking about it most of us agreed it was a risk but we got talking about it and I said even running along the road worries me and I worry about walking from my car to my house in the dark and they all said I worry a bit too much!

I know being conscious and aware is the best way to be but I don’t know how to strike a balance where I am aware but can also relax!

If anyone has any tips of how to control my worries – PLEASE SHARE!! x

Grandpa

Grandpa

Today is the 1 year anniversary of the passing of my beloved Grandpa, Harry. It feels surreal that it has already been a year as I can remember the whole day like it was yesterday.

I can say, honestly, the 26^th May 2011 was the worst day of my life so far. You just can’t begin to prepare yourself for something so traumatic and emotional even if you might know it is coming.

My grandpa wasn’t very well, he almost died in Florida back in November 2004 and from then he really struggled with his health. He was so strong though and for 7 years battled through and was still grandpa, still told us stories, still said ‘thing-me’ after almost every second word, still sang us songs from when he was in the war... he was always fun to be with.

In 2010 he did start getting much worse and he was finding it harder and harder to walk and do things on his own. I think, in a way, it was good that this happened as we made sure to see him so much more in those last few months – it should never be a case of you see your family more when you realise you might lose them but unfortunately that does happen and I can only say that I am so glad we had that chance to spend time with him before he passed away.

The last few times we saw him were really brilliant. I saw him about a month before with my sister and he sang us songs from when he was in Italy and told us stories I hadn’t heard before. He remembered so much and I always found that amazing that he was remembering songs and words in other languages that he hadn’t spoken since he was in his teens!

The last time I saw him was about 2 weeks before and me and Dan spent the weekend with him and grandma. He talked so much the first day we were there that by the evening he was losing his voice, he said it was the most he had spoken in ages :o) Dan had the really clever idea of secretly filming him while he was telling stories and I still have them now. I even got him telling the story of when he first met grandma! Probably one of the best things we did, filming him, and at Christmas I gave everyone of his children (my uncles and aunties) a copy of the videos so whenever they really missed him and just wanted to see him or hear his voice they could.

I think one of my biggest frustrations when my grandpa died was thinking that no one understood how hard it really was.

He was one of the best men I have ever known. A hero, a strong but really kind man who was a constant source of comfort and joy in my life.

We grew up spending every Christmas with our grandparents, every November we went to Florida with them. When my mum and dad went away we spent time with them in Gloucester. Grandma & Grandpa’s house was a second home and I always felt excited to be visiting. You get to know the smell, it is so familiar and every time you entered their house or hug one of them you just got that smell. I have two of my Grandpas shirts and I still can smell the smell of the house on them. The feeling a smell can give you is incredible, it just brings back all these feelings and memories.

On the morning my Grandpa passed I was driving into work and I remember looking at my phone and thinking ‘if my dad calls me now my grandpa has died’ – 45 minutes later I got the call from my dad. I was in the office and as soon as he told me I could not control myself. I was inconsolable and heartbroken, for me, from my dad, for my family and for my grandma.

The positives though were that Grandpa died in bed, asleep next to my grandma. Probably the way most people would hope that a love one would pass away. As a family we have all got closer and Grandpa has made us really realise that you have to make the effort to see your family, they are the people who will always be there and it is so important to not forget that.

So this blog is for my family. Today is going to be hard for every one of us, Grandpa was the head of the family. We Peake’s are a strong group, we have each other, we have love and we have our memories. Nothing will ever take away what we all, individually, felt about our Grandpa/dad. We all have our own stories to tell about him and we will never stop telling them.

I love my family, together we got through that day and every day after without him. Without you, without that support, it would have felt like a loss without any gain but at least I can say that we are closer now than we ever were before. I love you all and I am thinking of you today.

I think the reason my Grandpa’s death was so hard is because I loved him so much, the more you love the harder it will be to say goodbye. But I will never stop loving people so much because that is what makes life great. If you didn’t let yourself feel that much love for someone then what do you have? The world is a really horrible place sometimes and knowing that you have a family that you love more than anything else is the only reason to keep going. It may be harder to say goodbye when they leave you but the memories are so much stronger.

Grandpa – you remain in my heart and thoughts every day. I love you.