Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Not so positive

When I first started this blog one of my posts was about positivity and that I was trying to be more positive. I feel like I was keeping it up, not as strictly as originally but still good.
This year was going awesomely, had such a good year so the positivity challenge wasn’t so hard. To top it off, in march I got myself back into a great gym routine which made me feel great and saw me going to the gym at least 5 times a week. Happy days. I even got in the Gold list of people that had been to the gym most in the month in March, I have only been as high as silver before so that made me happy! 22 times in a month GO ME!

Any way this blog isn’t a nice positive ‘my life is awesome’ post, which I am sure some of you are glad of! This is about when my positivity got tested.

To end March off me and some of my favourite people in the world all went away to celebrate our friends 30th birthday in a big old country house. There were 24 of us and it was great, the house was amazing, company was as well. Just good times all round. Then after midnight DISATER struck! (This is not a shreddies ad but I couldn’t resist)
I was going up some stairs, which ordinarily doesn’t prove to be a challenge, and I managed to kick one step and bend my big toe under. Again this doesn’t seem like much but because of my stupid foot op in September my toes have not been able to bend as far as a normal person so it was forced into an unnatural position. Needless to say it hurt.

Anyway I was calm and just asked for someone to find my sister, the professional sports therapist – complete trust and faith was put into her abilities to heal me. However my little sister was a little too worse for wear to really be trusted with this task but rather then say that she continued, as professionally as she could, to PULL my toe in case it was dislocated. Now I am not going to really be able to convey to you the utter pain this caused but I will give it a go, it FUCKING HURT! Now I don’t like to swear in writing – feels more real that way – but man alive was it painful. Seriously was probably one of the worst pains I have EVER experience which probably makes me quite lucky in a way but I honestly think my appendicitis was easier to cope with and that lasted me 14 hours! But yet the story is not over, after the pulling happened I fell into uncontrollable tears and was being soothed by about 6 people when my sister said she needed to do it one more time.... once hurt, twice and I was done. I don’t think I could even deal with the pain of the second time so I have blocked it from my brain but the tears got worse and I had to be carried to bed while my foot got more and more swollen.
The next day I couldn’t walk on it and I spent the rest of the weekend hopping about! Still had an awesome time just on one leg. However by Sunday, when the swelling hadn’t gone down and the bruising got worse, my sister said that I might need to go to the hospital as it could be broken. Dan and I spent 2 hours in A&E on Sunday night to find out that it was indeed broken, right where the pin in my toe is. Sad times.

Monday I couldn’t go to work as couldn’t drive with it and when I woke up Tuesday I had a sore throat, it got progressively worse and I felt rubbish by Tuesday evening. All Tuesday night I was up hot and cold and Wednesday I came into work feeling like death. They sent me home at 11. I called the Dr’s as my throat was so bad and got an appointment for Thursday, the same day I also had to go to hospital to get my foot checked at the fracture clinic.

Slept awful on Wednesday night and woke up feeling terrible by Thursday morning. Got to the Dr’s (why am I always about 20 minutes early and the Dr’s are always at least 10 minutes late?!) and the guy took one look at my throat and said I had ‘Acute Tonsillitis’. I have never had that before in my life and honestly wouldn’t wish it on anyone as is just horrid. Anyway I was prescribed antibiotics and sent on my way. Then I had to get to the fracture clinic for my 11am appointment, got there about 10 minutes early and was seen at 13.15 – I KID YOU NOT! I was so ill and in so much pain that by the time I was seen I could barely lift my head L Anyway turned out my toe would heal ok but I had to wear my special operation shoes, which are just disgusting, for 3 weeks and then go back for a check up to see how it healed 5 weeks later.

It has been 5 weeks.... I am seeing them tomorrow and unfortunately my boots were lost so I have had to have it heel whilst using my foot almost as normal so not sure it will have heeled properly L will know tomorrow in any case.

I have had a few other knocks in the past month, which I won’t go into, and it has really got me down. I went through a great few months and then BANG my health was hit, then the next thing and the next thing....
Annoyingly as well the broken toe meant I haven’t been able to exercise properly for these last 5 weeks which is just bumming me out because I was being so good and got so motivated and now I have had to stop for a month... feels like it has seriously affect my fitness, my motivation and my happiness!

I am having a hard time keeping positive at the moment (not sure you can tell that), I am trying it is just hard when things keep happening to test me. I thought I was done with the foot thing, back to normal. Now to be back in that position again, but without any warning, is hard. I know I am almost over with it now and it was just a broken toe but it just feels like the start of a load of negative and I am so worried how everything will turn out.

I just have to keep thinking of what is good I guess – got to drag myself into my ‘beginning of the year mind’ set!

At the moment though, for a short time I’m sure, things just suck a bit.

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