Tuesday, 24 July 2012


The Sun

Isn’t it amazing the change in people when the sun comes out? Everyone seems happier; the world seems like a better place, people are more social. I love it.

It makes me think that most people do suffer slightly from SAD, maybe not in the winter because I guess you are more prepared for the rubbish English weather, but in summer when we are all hoping for the sun and we get months of rain and grey cloud. It really is disheartening.

On Sunday the weather man decided to change his mood and give us all, in the south, a lovely hot summer’s day. It was just what everyone needed I think. My Facebook wall was FILLED with posts regarding the sun and pictures of people out in it making sure they didn’t waste it.
It was my birthday which made it SO much more special J Sitting in the sun in a coffee shop just being happy to get some Vitamin D for the first time in what felt like years.

Not sure about anyone else but I have definitely been feeling low these past few weeks, for various reasons, and I do think the weather being dreary and grey doesn’t help but seeing the sun yesterday has really changed my mood. I just feel happy and positive and excited for the rest of the year, and I know that this sunny weather may only last a few days but at least we get a bit of a break from the grey and it gives us a bit of hope that we may actually get a summer after all....

So for the time being, while it lasts, I am going to try and make the most out of this sun and I am definitely not going to complain about the heat, even with my casted foot getting hotter and itchier by the day!
 We’ve waited too long for this to waste it, time to get out your favourite summer clothes and get them worn before the weather changes and we are back in our tights and jumpers. 

It’s time for pub lunches, drinks by the river, long walks, short skirts, sandals, no cardi’s, sun glasses, driving with the windows downs and the music up – what can be better?

Bring on the summer for however long it lasts J xxx

Thursday, 28 June 2012

Ground hog day

As most people know, in September 2011 I went in for surgery to have both my big toes broken and straightened. It took 6 weeks in weird shoes to heal and then months in flat shoes trying to get my feet used to working like normal.
In February I managed to wear heels to my friend’s wedding – it was a big deal for me and I was SO excited to be getting back to normal.
In April 2012 I broke my big toe on my left foot. I was told to rest it for 6 weeks and it would heal normally. 6 weeks later I was told that it wasn’t healed so I had to wait ANOTHER 6 weeks. During that 6 weeks I realised my toe was bending and a lump was appearing. When I went back to the hospital I was told that I was right and my foot was healing at a bend because of the pin that was in my toe from the September operation. The Dr knew I was getting married in November so on Thursday 21st he told me I should have surgery straight away to remove the pin otherwise my toe would set wrong and eventually have to be broken again.
I went into surgery on Monday afternoon (Monday 25th) – I think it was the quickest I have known surgery to happen! The surgery went well (so the Dr’s said) and I am now into the third day of the healing process. It is BORING. I am back to sitting in my room, waiting for my foot to heal. Ground hog.

The anaesthetic hasn’t worn off yet, yesterday I was like a zombie and could not stop falling asleep, today I am more awake but have been fighting nausea all day and really dizzy spells. I hate that feeling, I just have to keep lying down and try not to focus on too much.
To top it off, it is boiling and I have to wear a knee high sock to go with my amazing Robocop boot. I never want to complain about the heat because we deserve a bit of summer, but talk about bad timing! I don’t want it to go and will suffer in the heat but it has meant today has not been a great day in my world.

I don’t know how long this operation will take to heal and how long the robo boot will be with me but I find that out Monday. This week I am just trying to rest at home.
If on Monday they say 6 weeks healing then that means I can’t drive for that long, again. So that means working from home for that time.... I am so bored of working from home because I did it for 8 weeks last year and it gets old fast! I am really not looking forward to it.
Some people think that working from home is a real treat and I guess once or twice it is but not all the time, the motivation really gets sucked out of you. There is only so much enthusiasm you can get from being at home all day without any company, nothing changes everyday is the same. I don’t know how people do it. Enjoying working, for me, is really about the people you work with and I love my team. Being at home just makes me feel separate from the world.
I feel lazy not being able to do anything apart from get dressed in the morning and that makes me feel rubbish.

However, as much as I am dreading it, if they say no driving for 6 weeks I won’t drive for 6 weeks - I am not going to risk messing this up again! I refuse to have another operation on my feet. So if keeping my leg elevated and wearing the boot for the next 2 months is the cure then that is what I am going to do. I am just not looking forward to it.

Check out Robocop boot – it is really comfortable and discrete.... 

Friday, 15 June 2012

Common sense or plain paranoia?

I would say I have a lot of common sense; I am a very aware person when it comes to being safe and not doing anything that would put my safety at risk. By this I mean things like walking home alone in the dark, going somewhere with a stranger... things like that. I never thought many women would do those things but I see girls walking home, alone in the dark, all the time.
I will admit that in the winter, sometimes, it is really not easy to get anywhere when it is light and if you normally get a bus and then walk from the bus stop after work then you will be walking in the dark for a quarter of the year. However I would try to find a way around that if it was me.

Before I learnt to drive I had to walk to the bus stop. I was constantly worried and checked everything, if someone was walking towards me I would panic that they might do something to me. I once made my younger sister walk me to the bus stop through the alley near our house rather than walk it alone. I would cross the street to avoid walking through/around groups of people and would walk so quick to make the journey over as soon as possible. Everything outside, when I am alone, scares me. Driving has made me much more independent... to a point. I can go places alone now as long as I can drive there. It is the walking around alone that seems to be what really gets to me.

I get the train to London a lot for work which means I park in a car park near the station (Aren’t car parks quite scary places in the dark? I hate them). That is fine. As soon as it comes to getting the train home I spend the journey thinking about when I get off the train exactly what I will do to get to my car as quick as possible. Get keys out ready, hold key outwards in case someone approaches me, walk as quick as possible without running and causing attention to myself, make no eye contact (again to avoid attention), don’t look around, don’t get phone out, hold onto bag tightly in front. Is this the way other people think?

When I go into London I keep my phone in my pocket so that if anyone mugs me and takes my bag I have my phone to be able to contact someone. I fight very hard with myself not to do that with my purse as well!

I know that I might be a bit of an extreme, paranoid some might call it, but I am terrified of being approached by someone and threatened. I know exactly why I am like this; my poor dad put the fear of god in me when I was younger. He used to tell me and my sisters that if anyone grabbed us we have to scream as loud as we could - DO NOT STAY QUIET. He would show us defensive moves, and tell us if we didn’t fight and they got us to their car then we might not get away so make sure to put up as much of a fight and make as much noise as possible. He was being a good dad and trying to make us aware of what could happen. It wasn’t his fault that I am the type of person that would be influenced by that in a bad way. I majorly worry about it and am nervous of everything. My little sister is aware but she doesn’t get scared so easy. She will walk from her car to the train and back without panicking – she knows to be careful but doesn’t let it control her life. I actually worry more for her, if I know she is coming home in the dark I will make her text me when she is at her car and then wait for her to get home before I can sleep.

The problem is I don’t know how to stop my brain from clicking into the worried. I try and think, just walk slower, don’t rush, breath, it’ll be fine. And it is. But I am still so worried about it.

I have always said that if I could have a super power it would be to be Bionic so that no one could really hurt me! Flying would also be kinda cool... J

The reason I thought about this is because I had a conversation the other week about this sort of thing, one of my friends said that her friend went running in the woods on her own and she said that that was silly and risky when her friend disagreed. When speaking about it most of us agreed it was a risk but we got talking about it and I said even running along the road worries me and I worry about walking from my car to my house in the dark and they all said I worry a bit too much!
I know being conscious and aware is the best way to be but I don’t know how to strike a balance where I am aware but can also relax!

If anyone has any tips of how to control my worries – PLEASE SHARE!! x

Friday, 25 May 2012



Today is the 1 year anniversary of the passing of my beloved Grandpa, Harry. It feels surreal that it has already been a year as I can remember the whole day like it was yesterday.

I can say, honestly, the 26th May 2011 was the worst day of my life so far. You just can’t begin to prepare yourself for something so traumatic and emotional even if you might know it is coming.
My grandpa wasn’t very well, he almost died in Florida back in November 2004 and from then he really struggled with his health. He was so strong though and for 7 years battled through and was still grandpa, still told us stories, still said ‘thing-me’ after almost every second word, still sang us songs from when he was in the war... he was always fun to be with.

In 2010 he did start getting much worse and he was finding it harder and harder to walk and do things on his own. I think, in a way, it was good that this happened as we made sure to see him so much more in those last few months – it should never be a case of you see your family more when you realise you might lose them but unfortunately that does happen and I can only say that I am so glad we had that chance to spend time with him before he passed away.

The last few times we saw him were really brilliant. I saw him about a month before with my sister and he sang us songs from when he was in Italy and told us stories I hadn’t heard before. He remembered so much and I always found that amazing that he was remembering songs and words in other languages that he hadn’t spoken since he was in his teens!
The last time I saw him was about 2 weeks before and me and Dan spent the weekend with him and grandma. He talked so much the first day we were there that by the evening he was losing his voice, he said it was the most he had spoken in ages :o) Dan had the really clever idea of secretly filming him while he was telling stories and I still have them now. I even got him telling the story of when he first met grandma! Probably one of the best things we did, filming him, and at Christmas I gave everyone of his children (my uncles and aunties) a copy of the videos so whenever they really missed him and just wanted to see him or hear his voice they could.

I think one of my biggest frustrations when my grandpa died was thinking that no one understood how hard it really was.
He was one of the best men I have ever known. A hero, a strong but really kind man who was a constant source of comfort and joy in my life.

We grew up spending every Christmas with our grandparents, every November we went to Florida with them. When my mum and dad went away we spent time with them in Gloucester. Grandma & Grandpa’s house was a second home and I always felt excited to be visiting. You get to know the smell, it is so familiar and every time you entered their house or hug one of them you just got that smell. I have two of my Grandpas shirts and I still can smell the smell of the house on them. The feeling a smell can give you is incredible, it just brings back all these feelings and memories.

On the morning my Grandpa passed I was driving into work and I remember looking at my phone and thinking ‘if my dad calls me now my grandpa has died’ – 45 minutes later I got the call from my dad. I was in the office and as soon as he told me I could not control myself. I was inconsolable and heartbroken, for me, from my dad, for my family and for my grandma.
The positives though were that Grandpa died in bed, asleep next to my grandma. Probably the way most people would hope that a love one would pass away. As a family we have all got closer and Grandpa has made us really realise that you have to make the effort to see your family, they are the people who will always be there and it is so important to not forget that.

So this blog is for my family. Today is going to be hard for every one of us, Grandpa was the head of the family. We Peake’s are a strong group, we have each other, we have love and we have our memories. Nothing will ever take away what we all, individually, felt about our Grandpa/dad. We all have our own stories to tell about him and we will never stop telling them.

I love my family, together we got through that day and every day after without him. Without you, without that support, it would have felt like a loss without any gain but at least I can say that we are closer now than we ever were before. I love you all and I am thinking of you today.

I think the reason my Grandpa’s death was so hard is because I loved him so much, the more you love the harder it will be to say goodbye. But I will never stop loving people so much because that is what makes life great. If you didn’t let yourself feel that much love for someone then what do you have? The world is a really horrible place sometimes and knowing that you have a family that you love more than anything else is the only reason to keep going. It may be harder to say goodbye when they leave you but the memories are so much stronger.

Grandpa – you remain in my heart and thoughts every day. I love you.

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Not so positive

When I first started this blog one of my posts was about positivity and that I was trying to be more positive. I feel like I was keeping it up, not as strictly as originally but still good.
This year was going awesomely, had such a good year so the positivity challenge wasn’t so hard. To top it off, in march I got myself back into a great gym routine which made me feel great and saw me going to the gym at least 5 times a week. Happy days. I even got in the Gold list of people that had been to the gym most in the month in March, I have only been as high as silver before so that made me happy! 22 times in a month GO ME!

Any way this blog isn’t a nice positive ‘my life is awesome’ post, which I am sure some of you are glad of! This is about when my positivity got tested.

To end March off me and some of my favourite people in the world all went away to celebrate our friends 30th birthday in a big old country house. There were 24 of us and it was great, the house was amazing, company was as well. Just good times all round. Then after midnight DISATER struck! (This is not a shreddies ad but I couldn’t resist)
I was going up some stairs, which ordinarily doesn’t prove to be a challenge, and I managed to kick one step and bend my big toe under. Again this doesn’t seem like much but because of my stupid foot op in September my toes have not been able to bend as far as a normal person so it was forced into an unnatural position. Needless to say it hurt.

Anyway I was calm and just asked for someone to find my sister, the professional sports therapist – complete trust and faith was put into her abilities to heal me. However my little sister was a little too worse for wear to really be trusted with this task but rather then say that she continued, as professionally as she could, to PULL my toe in case it was dislocated. Now I am not going to really be able to convey to you the utter pain this caused but I will give it a go, it FUCKING HURT! Now I don’t like to swear in writing – feels more real that way – but man alive was it painful. Seriously was probably one of the worst pains I have EVER experience which probably makes me quite lucky in a way but I honestly think my appendicitis was easier to cope with and that lasted me 14 hours! But yet the story is not over, after the pulling happened I fell into uncontrollable tears and was being soothed by about 6 people when my sister said she needed to do it one more time.... once hurt, twice and I was done. I don’t think I could even deal with the pain of the second time so I have blocked it from my brain but the tears got worse and I had to be carried to bed while my foot got more and more swollen.
The next day I couldn’t walk on it and I spent the rest of the weekend hopping about! Still had an awesome time just on one leg. However by Sunday, when the swelling hadn’t gone down and the bruising got worse, my sister said that I might need to go to the hospital as it could be broken. Dan and I spent 2 hours in A&E on Sunday night to find out that it was indeed broken, right where the pin in my toe is. Sad times.

Monday I couldn’t go to work as couldn’t drive with it and when I woke up Tuesday I had a sore throat, it got progressively worse and I felt rubbish by Tuesday evening. All Tuesday night I was up hot and cold and Wednesday I came into work feeling like death. They sent me home at 11. I called the Dr’s as my throat was so bad and got an appointment for Thursday, the same day I also had to go to hospital to get my foot checked at the fracture clinic.

Slept awful on Wednesday night and woke up feeling terrible by Thursday morning. Got to the Dr’s (why am I always about 20 minutes early and the Dr’s are always at least 10 minutes late?!) and the guy took one look at my throat and said I had ‘Acute Tonsillitis’. I have never had that before in my life and honestly wouldn’t wish it on anyone as is just horrid. Anyway I was prescribed antibiotics and sent on my way. Then I had to get to the fracture clinic for my 11am appointment, got there about 10 minutes early and was seen at 13.15 – I KID YOU NOT! I was so ill and in so much pain that by the time I was seen I could barely lift my head L Anyway turned out my toe would heal ok but I had to wear my special operation shoes, which are just disgusting, for 3 weeks and then go back for a check up to see how it healed 5 weeks later.

It has been 5 weeks.... I am seeing them tomorrow and unfortunately my boots were lost so I have had to have it heel whilst using my foot almost as normal so not sure it will have heeled properly L will know tomorrow in any case.

I have had a few other knocks in the past month, which I won’t go into, and it has really got me down. I went through a great few months and then BANG my health was hit, then the next thing and the next thing....
Annoyingly as well the broken toe meant I haven’t been able to exercise properly for these last 5 weeks which is just bumming me out because I was being so good and got so motivated and now I have had to stop for a month... feels like it has seriously affect my fitness, my motivation and my happiness!

I am having a hard time keeping positive at the moment (not sure you can tell that), I am trying it is just hard when things keep happening to test me. I thought I was done with the foot thing, back to normal. Now to be back in that position again, but without any warning, is hard. I know I am almost over with it now and it was just a broken toe but it just feels like the start of a load of negative and I am so worried how everything will turn out.

I just have to keep thinking of what is good I guess – got to drag myself into my ‘beginning of the year mind’ set!

At the moment though, for a short time I’m sure, things just suck a bit.

Friday, 27 April 2012


I have neglected my blog these past few weeks and I wanted to make the effort to rectify this! So today I thought I would write about discounts. Exciting stuff right?! J
Currently Discount sites are hugely popular; I don’t think I have been out for dinner with friends in the last few months where we haven’t got a voucher with us. It is seen as the ‘norm’ now and doesn’t have the stigma attached to it that vouchers used to have. It is great as it isn’t just food but experiences, clothes etc

Yesterday I had a ‘spa’ day with my mum and sister (wasn’t a day actually) which we found through a voucher site. The deal was 3 treatments in this little ‘spa’ in Horley which lasted a total of 2 hours.
Anyway we paid £30 each to have a massage, fully body scrub and either a manicure or pedicure – was a great deal hence us going for it!

We arrived at just before 11 and I went off separately to my mum and sister to have my treatments. First I had the scrub which was lovely but only lasted 20 minutes. Then the therapist left me to shower and get ready for my massage. I noticed the time and thought it was a bit short and she also hadn’t asked me which massage I was having (we had an option of 3). Now I am not a relaxed person, at all, so while I was waiting for her to come back I was worrying about not getting the right treatments.
When she came back in the room I asked her ‘Is this now the 45 minute massage’ and she responded asking what deal I had booked, I explain to her and she said that it wasn’t a 45 minute massage, it was 45 minute scrub including the shower you have after and half hour massage. I normally am too worried about upsetting someone that I don’t say anything but considering my scrub had been 20 minutes I decided it wasn’t fair that I also got a shorter massage. I said to her that my scrub had only lasted 30 minutes though and she said ‘don’t worry I will do you a 45 minute massage’. Then she went on to say the internet wasn’t right and they really shouldn’t do it because it isn’t good for them and that I was getting over £100 treatments for £30 so was a very good deal. I obviously agreed with her as it was a good deal, THAT IS WHY WE BOOKED IT! I didn’t think this was very professional of her to say all this to me as it isn’t my fault the internet site wasn’t right, if it was a problem they were having they should have change the offer OR told us when we called and booked.
The massage wasn’t that relaxing after that as I was concerned I had annoyed her. She did do me a full 45 minute massage but not sure she was that happy about it! Also my manicure was crap and today most of the nail varnish has peeled off! L

My question is this, because we had got the treatments through a deal does that mean we shouldn’t have expected as much as fully paying customers?
If you didn’t want people to use the offer then you shouldn’t do an offer. If I had paid for these nails I would have complained but I felt guilty because I had paid such a small amount.

I don’t think that is right. I think people have every right to expect a great service regardless of what they have paid for it. All this spa did was make me feel a little cheated and cheap!
I am not going to say the name of the salon because it wasn’t a horrible place and the staff were really nice, that isn’t the point of this blog.
It just bothers me, I don’t think that you should be treated as though you aren’t as worthy a customer because you look on voucher sites and I do think this is how you are made to feel in some instances.

All I know is the next time I book a deal like this through a voucher site, and I will because I can’t afford these sorts of things otherwise, I will really read the fine print and make sure I know what I should be getting (some might say I should have done that to begin with – well lesson learnt). It may seem cheap but to be honest I don’t care, no one has the money to just splash around and if a company wants your business and have created an offer to get it then they should honour it and make sure you are getting exactly what you have been told you’ll get. You should never be made to feel like you’re being cheap.

Basically, if you get a voucher then you should get what you ordered and with the usual customer service as everyone else regardless of how much you paid for it.

Friday, 23 March 2012

The gym

As 2012 hit my ability to exercise increased, before Christmas I was unable to do much because I had an operation on both my feet so could just about walk let alone exercise! 
It was very hard for me because I am someone who likes going to the gym and I could do nothing for about 3 months. 
I had the normal worries that girls get about putting on weight because for at least 4 years I have been going to the gym, whether consistently or not, so having 3 months not being able to go was a bit nerve racking as I wasn't sure how much weight I would put on without the gym. Luckily for me it was only about 3 pounds, it was just more the ability and fitness I actually missed.
Anyway, I think it is because of this lack of anything that people have noticed how much I now get down the gym. It isn't new, I always used to go but now I am being more consistent about when I go and it is more important to me now to try and get down there as much as I can when I can. 
I am lucky to have a gym at work and work in a role where I can get down to the gym on my lunch break and at the end of the day. I have classes that I attend weekly and find it very frustrating when I have to miss them. 
People think I am obsessed because by Wednesday I have usually been to the gym 5 times. Twice Monday, twice Tuesday, once Wednesday. I totally get that seems excessive BUT my argument is this - on a Thursday I am in London so cannot get to the gym, on Friday I am usually busy because of the Thursday out of the office so I go once maybe. The weekend is normally written off with other things so technically I actually only work out 5-6 times a week. Fairly average. 
I am not obsessed. I know it probably seems like I am, and I do feel horrid if I miss a class and can't get down as much as I would like but there are various reasons for this. 
1 - I suffer from IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and going to the gym really helps my stomach problems, which at the moment I have every day. 
2 - I get very tired and going to the gym in the afternoon really perks me up for the rest of the day and gives me an energy boost.
3 - I am a bad sleeper and the gym wears me out so that by bed time I am tired. I sleep better. 
4 - The gym makes me feel good, I can eat what I want and I don't put on weight, I keep myself to a size I am happy with and I don't worry about if I go out for dinner and have a lot of food. 

I would expect most gym goers have similar reasons for going, about feeling good and about being able to enjoy food? If I have a dirty pudding for dinner and I know I am going to a class the next day I don't worry or get paranoid about getting fat. But maybe I would feel bad if I wasn't exercising and then I wouldn't be enjoying my food - which would be the end of me as food is the best thing ever.... 

Anyway my moto when it comes to the gym is 'You will regret it more if you don't' - this is what I say to people if they say 'should I go to the gym tonight?'. I don't know many people to go to the gym and come out saying 'I wish I hadn't gone' but I know most people who don't bother going regret that decision. 

Not everyone is like me, I totally get that and I don't judge people for not getting down the gym. I do ask this of everyone I know that is a little concerned about my 'obsession'. Please don't worry, I don't skip meals, I don't starve myself, I don't go to the gym and work out to the point of exhaustion and I don't exercise every day. Every girl wants to feel happy with their body and I am just making sure I am the happiest I can be without surgery! (a whole other convo - not that I am planning to have surgery by the way) :)

Wednesday, 7 March 2012

Don't sweat the small stuff

A friend of mine was diagnosed with Cancer in September last year; she has been blogging about the whole experience and is just plain amazing.
She started a blog so that family and friends could see what she was going through and keep up with her treatments, but this blog became so popular and Laura has since been in newspapers because of it.
The reason I am blogging about this is because she is on her last bout of Chemo and then she is waiting on the results. I am just so surprised at how quick it has been to get to March and how happy I am for her that she is now so close to the end of this challenge.

She got me thinking, and I would guess a lot of people would have the same thoughts, how would I do if that happened to me?
I don’t think I would be all that brave about it, and I definitely would be moaning A LOT!
You don’t know how you will be unless you are going through it and everyone reacts differently but I just can’t see myself being as composed as Laura is about it all.
Laura says sorry in her blog a bit, sorry for moaning about how hard it is, sorry for moaning about putting on weight, sorry for swearing... I keep thinking ‘you are SO not moaning!’.  Jeez she is the most positive person with a few, understandable, little upsetting blogs about being in pain and it being unfair – and when I say a few, I mean a few! She had a huge fear of needles – she got through that, she lost her beautiful hair she got through that AND posted loads of pictures. I always think she should be moaning all the more from what she is going through and she doesn’t. I think this is why her blog is a big inspiration, because she is so brave and open and positive.

I think everyone can learn a lot from Laura, she is so young and look what she has had to go through but she has never let it stop her. We moan about these little insignificant things in our lives when people are really dealing with things beyond most of our comprehension. And I know it is completely natural for us to moan and those things don’t feel insignificant at the time but I guess it is about looking at the big picture and realising what is really going to affect you and what is just not all that important. I moan a lot but it is when I read Laura’s blog that I realise that moaning does nothing, It doesn’t really help.

The saying ‘Don’t sweat the small stuff’ really does run true – we just need to learn how to block the small stuff from the worry section of our brains! J

If you want to read more on Laura, I would really recommend it!

Fingers, arms, legs & toes crossed for the 22nd!

Wednesday, 29 February 2012


So last week we had pancake day, formally known as Shrove Tuesday, and like most people in the country I had pancakes! They weren't the best but got to keep the tradition alive :) 
Anyway when you get to pancake day you know it is almost lent. The time to give up something for 40 days and 40 nights.
Obviously this is a religious tradition so not everyone partakes and to be honest I have never done anything for lent before. Last year my little sister gave up loads for lent and made it the whole 40 days without giving in, so she was my inspiration for this year! 
We have both given up Cakes, Biscuits, Sweets and Chocolate. This might seem a lot but to be honest I don't ever eat anything in excess so it seemed more of a challenge to give up all rather than just the one thing. 

It does make me laugh how people have said I shouldn't give it all up... I don't see why not. Surely it isn't much of a sacrifice if I give up something that won't really affect my life and I can find an alternative of? If I just didn't eat cake I could have chocolate for dessert if I needed something sweet... not really a hardship. If I give up all the above things I will find it hard to overcome a sugar craving so it will be much more of a challenge for my willpower to push through. Isn't that the point? 

It is tough, doesn't help that my boss has brought in biscuits twice since lent! But I have stayed strong. I will get through lent and make it out the other side without giving in because I am too proud to say I will do something and then admit I wasn't strong enough. The thought of not doing this now I have told people makes me feel horrible - I will just be letting myself down if I don't do it. 
I feel like life should be about these little challenges, you should push yourself to do the things that you don't really want to, like give up something for a period of time, going to that gym class you didn't want to, run a marathon. It is something you can take pride in when you have completed it. 

I like to challenge myself to prove that I can. In 40 days I can eat as much cake, chocolate, sweets and biscuits I like, but for now it is cold turkey! 

I just hope I don't get drunk at my friends 30th and eat cake! :o) 

Ps - this picture is what I intend to eat on the 7th

Tuesday, 21 February 2012


Last week I did my 3rd day with PR, second office based, and it was a different sort of day. 

Didn't start well. Forgot my log-in and the IT guy wasn't in until 10 and I was meant to check a paper for relevant stories and then send round the team by 10 - didn't happen. 

Anyway did a lot of things with papers which was fine BUT then I got asked to do, probably, my worst job. Call people! I know I know, if I might be interested in a career in PR I need to be able to ring around a lot but I first need to concur this bloody fear. 

Seriously is a fear. I get a bit of panic when I have to call someone I don't know about something I am not entirely sure on. 

Luckily for me there were plenty of barriers in the way so I didn't actually get around to it until right at the end of the day but by 5.30 I couldn't put it off any more and had to 'bite the bullet' and call. 
Great start, the first two people were none answers, the last two I couldn't locate numbers for... only 1 actually answered. I messed up what I was meant to say but actually the call went fine, as I knew it would, and all was sorted. Yey to me. 

The reason I am writing about this is I want to know if I am the only person who gets like this? Get real nerves when faced with calls? I worry so much about what the call will involve, will the person ask questions I won't know the answer too, will they get angry, will I make things really bad for everyone, will the world end... you know, normal worries. 

I was proud that I did call. I forced, and I mean forced, myself to pick up the phone and do my job. The thing is, you can only be proud to an extent when the fear is something you know is stupid and is something you need to do. 

I also know that the way to get passed this weird aversion to calls is to make calls and answer calls all the time without thinking and get myself used to it. I used to do that, I worked in a role where I was always on the phone and had no problem with it but it had taken me a time to get to that point and when I changed company the fear came back and worse. 

I know it is a worry of not knowing the information needed and being embarrassed and made to look stupid but the thing is, I actually haven't had a call like that so not sure why I am so crazy about it! 

Tuesday, 14 February 2012



There is a real wedding boom happening for me at the moment. So many people in my close group of friends are engaged and planning weddings. I have 6 this year (mine included) and already have 3 for next year! It is a busy time but SO exciting as these are some of my best friends getting married and it is so amazing we have all got to that next step in our lives.

Saturday was the first of my very close friend’s weddings; my lovely friends Lisa married her boyfriend of about 10 years Logan. They had a church wedding and then reception in Windsor which was just stunning. The weather was perfect, blue sky, sunny with some snow on the ground. Just what you would want from a winter wedding. The pictures will come out looking beautiful; I am just amazed that Lisa went the whole time without covering up! She must have been freezing but didn’t look it. Bride determination J
She had 4 bridesmaids, 2 flowers girls and a page boy who all looked brilliant. And the Groom and the grooms’ men all looked so smart and dapper.
The colour theme was pink and purple and the bridesmaids were in a pinky purple gown.
The reception was beautifully decorated, little favours for everyone with sweets inside and handmade place settings. The table themes were wedding movies, I was on the ‘Bridesmaid’ film table. The food was amazing, literally ate everything they gave me! Wine was flowing and the table conversation was great. First dance went off beautifully to a song I wouldn’t have even thought of but was just perfect. The reception afterwards was great, lots of shots; dancing, laughing and general merriment was had by everyone there (the ‘Sexy Beasts’ all got wrapped up in some carpet and had a bundle – we were very respectable guests J). Safe to say that Mr and Mrs Lloyd had a great send off into their married life.

The only thing I kept thinking was - it is almost over. It just flew by. Something she had been planning for 6 months (she had a short engagement) went so quick it was difficult to take it all in and before we knew it, it was over and we were leaving.

I have been planning my wedding to Dan on and off for two years so far. We have been completely laid back about the whole thing, which is a major change in our personalities as I can’t say we are usually so chilled! We have another 9 months to go and before I was counting down but now I just keep thinking I need to take it all in, enjoy all the planning, all the build up, everything because when the day gets here it will be gone in no time. I know that no matter what, when that day is over I will want to be doing it all again because we have worked so hard for it and it has been a big part of our lives for so long!

So the point is, I am going to stop wishing the year away and start focusing on what is to come throughout this year and get excited about the many celebrations I have before W day.

2012 – This is THE year. I want to make it the most memorable of all.  

Monday, 6 February 2012

Valentines Day

Valentine’s Day (hence the red)

Not long until Valentine’s Day... if that means anything to anyone anymore?
I always love the thought of Val day every year but not too sure why. Think it must be the fact that Dan and I always get a curry and watch a film together... not much different from most nights to be honest (well the curry is). We make a bit of effort and get each other a card but that is about all for us. Do people give presents anymore and make a big deal out of the day?

Other than the acknowledgement of the date I don’t really buy into the Valentines thing. I think you should show you love someone more often and without command! If Dan forgot to get me a card on the 14th February I wouldn’t be upset, the date means nothing to us as a couple. I know it is viewed as slightly cynical not to do anything on Valentine’s Day and it’s a bit harsh if you don’t buy your partner something to commemorate the day but why? If you don’t spend money on the person you love on Valentine’s Day does that mean you love them less?

I remember that sometime last year, during saving all our money and never going out, I got a random delivery of roses to work from Dan. The card read ‘Just because we are saving doesn’t mean I can’t send you something to say I love you’. The fact they were spontaneous and unexpected made them all the more special to me. Getting flowers on Valentine’s Day is lovely but it is sort of expected.

Dan proposed to me in February 2010, he did it on the 10th. If you are like me and are with someone and know that one day marriage is on the cards then all big dates flag up as that possible date of engagement. I didn’t think Dan would propose because we had only been together 15 months but I did think of Valentine’s Day and wondered if maybe... The clever boy took me completely by surprise and did it 4 days before when I had absolutely no expectation. I was in complete shock, to the point of him having to prompt me to answer him J So now, to us, the 10th is actually a more important date than 14th.
Basically my point is, the surprise is the nice part of getting treated, getting a declaration of love. Valentine’s Day is great but it is staged and obvious. Isn’t it?

I know that some people think that Valentine’s Day is a nice day and there is no harm celebrating it... I totally agree, but I don’t think there should be the pressure to buy into this corporate holiday that is just there to make people spend more money.

Maybe you should be different and go and do something special for the person you love today rather than waiting for the 14th?

Any day could be YOUR Valentine’s Day. It is up to you.

Friday, 3 February 2012

Oh Sweetie Darling...

Oh Sweetie Darling....   

Remember that, from Absolutely Fabulous? Well the reason I titled this blog with that is because yesterday I became a, part time, PR girl! Basically I currently work in my companies marketing department but I am not sure what area I want to get involved in... Luckily I have a very good boss who has decided the best thing for me to do would be to spend time working on everything at different times and deciding how I feel about each of them.
So far I have worked, pretty much continuously, on CRM (email marketing mostly) which I enjoy and have a qualification in (well Digital marketing but its relative) and as the team PA. For a few months I worked with Events and now it is my PR time. One day a week I will be working from our London agency and doing all things PR, starting with the very basic stuff (as I am a complete beginner!).
First day down and I LOVED IT! I mean it was fairly simple and I wasn’t given anything stressful or hard but I had such a good day and can’t wait to for next week when I can hopefully do more. If I really like it and am good at it, who knows, this could be something I would want to do more frequently.

The reason I am so excited about this is because I have never known what I wanted to do as a career, I have always wanted to know and always felt jealous of those people that KNOW what they want to do. I am happy in my role and love my team but would be nice for me to find that part of the job that I know I want to continue in.
I am not saying that PR is that part but it is the closest I have got at the moment and I have only done one day, so got to be a good sign right?

Watch this space.

Tuesday, 31 January 2012



I have never been a positive person. I am not ultra negative but never realised until recently that my reactions to things always are negative.
I am the sort of person that would rather assume I didn’t get the job, even if the interview went amazing, and then have a nice surprised if I did, then to think I did get the job and then get the disappointment if I didn’t... That to me made so much more sense than this positive thinking – why would people want to risk disappointment?
But I have been sitting across from my friend Lee Anne at work who is just so pleasant, smiley, friendly and positive and I realised that I used to be called ‘Bubbly’ and felt like a nicer person then I do now. I started realising how grouchy I could be, when someone at work would ask me to do something, straight away I would think of problems in doing the task. It read on my face because I very much wear my heart on my sleeve. So if I am not happy about something, you can tell. I didn’t think you could tell, I thought I managed to hide it from people but I have recently been told that they can see if I am not happy about something. I hated that. For me, being called bubbly etc was nice because it meant that people saw me the way I wanted them too. To be told that they know exactly how I feel makes me upset because I am constantly fighting with myself to not be that person.

So my new year’s resolution was to be more positive, it is hard going! I knew it would be because it is never easy to break a habit but I now catch myself thinking negatively and try and tell myself to stop. I feel like I am getting back to the person I was, before I started working, a bit more. Ever so slightly I feel like the annoyances I feel can be caught quicker so they don’t show and I can get myself past that feeling.... If someone asks me to do something I try and be positive and when I actually manage to do that I feel so much better in myself!
You would think, the fact that I know that reacting better to things actually makes me happier, it wouldn’t be so hard to do it all the time but it is. Today, for example, I woke up shattered and just felt grumpy. It is really hard to then fight those impatient feelings you get when someone asks you a question and you REALLY can’t be bothered to answer or to get up the energy to answer in a nice happy way.

I am really trying though. I guess that is the most important thing, I keep trying to be better and then hopefully one day I just will be that person I want to be.
1 month down and I have both good and bad days, days when it comes easily, days when it doesn’t but I keep trying. 

I think if I can catch myself thinking negatively quickly, then I can actually get to the point when I naturally think more positively. That is what I am working towards.

So New Year’s resolution, 1 month in, it’s hard but I am still doing it and that for me is a positive J

Thursday, 26 January 2012



January is meant to be a bit of a down month because it is just after Christmas and everyone is poor, the weather isn’t great and everyone has to go back to work. January blues.

This January has been pretty bloody awesome for me! First thing that happened, beginning of the month I won a competition through twitter in which I got £250 pounds to give to a charity of my choice and £250 Mr & Mrs Smith vouchers (a boutique hotel company). That was pretty awesome considering I have never won a competition before and the prize was great!
To get all that all I had to do was re tweet any tweets that ‘The Liquid Way’ (an agency) posted that had the hash tag #sharethelove – simple!
The best part of that prize was the giving to charity, makes you feel brilliant. I gave to two smaller charities who I thought it would mean more too – Strollers and The ACLT. Both mean something to me as Strollers is ran by my future mother in law and my sister had a friend in Uni who died and his mum runs the ACLT.
Dan and I will probably use the hotel vouchers for a birthday weekend away in July (that will also be a great month!)

Anyway back to January. So that happened right at the start of the New Year, then on the Saturday 14th I went wedding dress shopping for the second time with my mum and bridesmaids (Imogen and my sister Stevie). We had a 10 o’clock appointment at ‘Miss Bush’ – great name right?! And then an 11 o’clock appointment to try some bridesmaid outfits on. There was one particular dress I wanted to try back on as had tried it in September and loved it. Anyway to cut a long story short, by 12 o’clock that day I had bought my dress (with £275 off) and paid a deposit for the bridesmaid’s dresses. It was great!
Few days later Dan and I booked our DJ and our day music for the wedding and went and met our wedding coordinator for the big day. Booked accommodation and ran through the day – which was a massive relief knowing our coordinator was so on the ball!
In terms of wedding stuff, January has been pretty amazing and 2012 has started off, as I knew it would, brilliantly!

Saturday, 21 January 2012

Blogging/Social Media

Second blog.

I am so unsure about this blogging thing. I completely understand the writing down of one’s thoughts and keeping them somewhere online so you can always go back and re read if wanted. Like an online diary. But I never really kept a diary and even if I did I would NEVER want someone else to read it. So why is everyone so desperate for people to hear what they have to say, we tweet and facebook and blog our every thoughts and are happy to see people respond and feel a little let down if there is no response... but why?
Generally nothing we really say on social media sites are really worth reading. Yesterday I tweeted 'Zumba Time'. That was all. Who is actually interested in knowing that I am going to Zumba on my lunch break and why am I telling people thinking they might be interested when I know they aren’t?
I completely understand people who go on twitter to follow famous people they are interested in (as I am one of those people) but these celebs, half the time, are tweeting similar sort of nothingy facts about their day and we soak it up like they are talking directly to us when really they are just like us, normal people going about their better than average lives.

Saying all this I am always on twitter and facebook and I follow famous people and I have tweeted them in the hopes they might respond to me, alas the only 'famous' person to reply to my tweets are ‘Brides magazine’ lol. But because of this I will still tweet them as it is really nice to know that they do take the time to read their followers tweets - it made me feel slightly special. And I have to admit that I am obsessed with social media, I love seeing peoples pictures and seeing what they have to say. I like having something to write on twitter and feel great when new people start to follow me. I am one of those people that lives through their profile and finds out most of my friends big news through their updates. I am happy with this. That is how things are done now and I never have been one of these people who rebel against something because it is 'popular'.

But as happy as I am to admit my obsession with Twitter and facebook, I am very uncertain about promoting the fact that I am basically taking my 140 word allocation on twitter and saying 'that is not enough for what I have to say' as if what I have to say is so important it is worth its own web page!
For me to put this blog link on my twitter would cause me embarrassment and I don't know if I feel right about announcing that, not only have I created my own blog but, I want everyone who follows me to read it. It is so narcissistic isn't it? Craving attention and approval from friends and even strangers, people that you will probably never meet.
I think it takes courage to actually admit that you feel confident enough in your writing abilities that you will let anyone who happens to stumble on your page read your every thought. Does everyone have that craving of slight celebrity?
I really hate the thought of being famous and yet people reading my blog would seem like a win, wouldn't it? Otherwise what would be the point of a blog if you are the only one to read it?! Pointless. The whole blogging point is to get people to read, comment, share, talk about.... is it not?

Ironic that you are reading about my blogging reservation on MY blog!

But in writing this I realise that everything I am conscious about, when broadcasting I have a blog, is ultimately not worth worrying about as I HAVE created this blog, I AM writing on it so I must want people to read it for it to have been worth the time taken to write it.

And yet I am still apprehensive. Maybe it is because, once it has been broadcast and people know about it, I can’t then hide if people hate it or, possibly worse, if no one reads it.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012

First ever blog

So this is my first blog EVER on the attractively named 'Peake's Dumping Ground' page :)
I called it that because I assume, knowing me, that this will be more like an online diary rather than anything of any worth or will have any specific subject.

I have been thinking about writing a blog for a long time but never really knew what to write about or why I would even write anything. I have decided though, because it is 2012, to just go for it. If I don't stick to it then no problem I doubt it will be a frequently visited blog by anyone other than myself and my fiancĂ© Dan anyway! Hi Dan by the way, thanks for reading.

I don't even understand blogs other than they are places where people write what they are thinking, feeling, advice etc and other people read and comment. I actually never read a blog before a couple of months ago so I am almost a complete newbie at this.

Anyway best go and think of some subjects to write on here so there is a reason for me being on here!